Under the wide and starry sky/ Dig the grave and let me lie

[wordsworn]

~

It's about time I wrote something in one sitting.

I read Kakashi Gaiden again today, since I'm considering apping Rin at polychromatic. Her character design reminds me so much of pre-TJ Sakura (though their personalities are pretty different--Rin seems more shy, and kind and selfless to the core, and while Sakura can also be kind, she's more selfish and spoiled XD), I couldn't get over it. I'm sure Kakashi would have noticed the same thing, and since his treatment of Sakura has always bothered me, this drabble was born.

I'd forgotten how much I like Kakashi, the way he can't help but hold on to the memories of the ones he loved and lost. Such a tragic character--of course I love him.



[Kakashi, Sakura. 'Echoes Of Tiny Bells']

He wonders when he’ll stop seeing her in every girl he passes on the street, what it would take to keep the past and present better separated, lines marked out cleanly and clearly and never toed, much less crossed. He wonders if he even wants that, because keeping those memories close is the only way he has of holding on to them.

And so when he looked at the girl on his newest genin team, it had come as no surprise that he saw Rin in her, too.

But it was a surprise how much they'd been alike--the large eyes, the upbeat personalities, the lack of aggression in serious combat, everything right down to the need to be protected and the infatuation with the prodigy of the team. Sakura hadn’t been a medic-nin when he’d first met her, and she’s changed as time has passed, but the parallels were already drawn years ago, for better or worse, and they breathe a new life into his memories.

When he’s watching her work, he sometimes forgets who she is, and what’s more who she isn’t. The way she’s bent over her patient, brow furrowed in concentration, perhaps biting her lip, is so very familiar that he almost feels thirteen again, surrounded by war and bloodshed and the calming presence of his gentle, brown-haired teammate. The reassuring smile, the concern in her tone as she lectures an injured shinobi, the small, delicate hands carefully binding up wounds, they’re the same, a piece of his past lodged unexpectedly in the present. For a moment all colour bleeds away, leaving the world tinted in shades of grey; for a moment the clear voices of tiny bells replace the sweet scent of cherry blossoms; for a moment, he never lost her.

And then she turns around and shatters a wall with nothing more than one of those delicate little hands, something shy, humble Rin had never done, could never have hoped to do. The illusion shatters as well, colour floods his vision once again, pink hair and green eyes coming into glaring focus, and he has to look away for a moment to get his thoughts in order and lay old memories to rest yet again.

He can’t help but think of her this way, can’t help reflexively pushing her aside or behind him, safely away from the action, despite her protests that she can handle herself in a fight. He knows this, but he also knows that smashing walls and exchanging blows with an enemy are two vastly different things, and he hadn’t been there back in that River Country cave to see her dodging and spinning and flipping, reading each and every attack sent her way and trashing puppets left and right.

So it’s actually a good thing when he finds himself on a two-man-mission with his former student, backed against a wall by at least a dozen enemy nin.

Without a second thought, he’s already moving forward, turning his head to tell her that he’ll protect her through life and death even if it costs him everything, repeating those words to this girl who is so much the same and so very different from the other girl he said those very words to almost twenty years ago. Maybe he’s saying them reflexively; maybe it’s because he really does want to protect her; maybe he’s trying to make up for his failure to fulfill them back then by sacrificing himself now.

But this girl isn’t looking at him with wide, tear-filled brown eyes, isn’t huddled and terrified and thirteen and hopelessly in love with him; this girl is staring straight ahead with her vibrantly green gaze, slim body tensed and ready for action, expression calculating and confident and not in the least bit afraid. She shoots him the briefest of glances, and he can see the hint of a smirk on her upturned lips, and then she lunges forward, slamming her fist into the ground, rock shattering as easily as glass, the once-smooth terrain between their enemies and themselves turned into a dust-shrouded boulder field in the space of three heartbeats.

She darts away into the haze, gone in a flicker and a flash of pink and red; and this time, Kakashi lets her go.

The skirmish is over in a matter of minutes, and he finds her kneeling beside a body just off the road, calmly prying a pair of bloodied shuriken from the sternum of one of their attackers. Casually wiping them off on the dead man’s shredded jounin vest, she tucks them away and stands, fiddles with the straps of her knapsack for a second, then trots over to join the silver-haired Copy-Nin on the path.

Her expression is at ease, almost cheerful, which is somehow far more intimidating than Sasuke’s sullen stare or Naruto’s rakehell grin; she isn’t even breathing hard, hasn’t even broken a sweat, every inch of her body still humming with chakra. She truly is an even match for either of her teammates now, Kakashi realises--it’s anyone’s guess who would come out the victor if she were to stand toe to toe with one of them and fight all out, holding nothing back. No longer is she the fragile one, the one who cries over every little thing, a foolish girl who is more interested in romance than the skills that keep her and her treasured comrades alive.

She is a woman, a fully-fledged kunoichi of the Leaf. She doesn’t lag behind, forced to watch Naruto and Sasuke’s backs, not anymore; now they all stand together, back to back to back, each one fully trusting in the strength of the other two. They are equals, three parts of a circle, and together, they are unstoppable.

And while Kakashi had a hand in forming Naruto and Sasuke, Sakura is a masterpiece to which he has no claim.

Maybe it’s Rin’s fault. Maybe he overlooked her because sometimes he couldn’t help expecting to find brown eyes looking up at him instead of green, and because of the painful twinge of memories each time that expectation went unmet. Maybe he was doing it on purpose, doing his best not to see her. Maybe he hadn’t thought she’d last long out in the field and didn’t want to get attached. Maybe he’d wanted to have to protect her.

Or maybe he’s putting too much thought into this and he really just didn’t notice all that hidden potential that he probably couldn’t’ve done anything with anyway.

But as she falls into step with him and gives him that bright smile that has nothing of Rin in it, that is purely Sakura, hers and hers alone, he wonders how he ever could have thought of her as weak.


Kakashi & Sakura – All that time when I didn’t see you, maybe I was the one who was weak.

Comments

[laura-writes.livejournal.com]

Bekah, this is so good! The way you explain some of the things-- like the way Kakashi neglected her training and often, her very self. Treating her as less important, less talented. I like that Kishi really has made her every bit the fighter that her male counterparts are. Sasori and that fight saw to that.

As always, you capture so much in so few words. You take action, introspection, and letters and turn them into a touching story.

[wordsworn.livejournal.com]

Augh, the way Kakashi pushes her aside all throughout Part I REALLY bothered me, so I especially loved that bit right at the beginning of Part II during The Bell Test Revisited, where she figures out he's underground and smashes the ground open. >]

She needs another big fight scene--I hate that she's been reduced to the role of "cheerleader" again. Ugh.

Thank yoooooou~ ♥

[kirbywarrior1.livejournal.com]

Wow... This was really good. I like the way you write. You do say a lot with a little, and something about the way you construct your sentences is very rhythmic. It's not like it has a meter, but it flows so incredibly well. You also really seem to understand these characters. It's just engaging.

D: Do you expect something like this out of me? lol

Man, I'm so under-read and under-written. I just hope I start reading the right people to influence me - assuming I do start reading again like I always mean to.

[wordsworn.livejournal.com]

It has been a while since you've read any of my stuff, hasn't it? XD I've gotten better~ ^_^ The way a story flows is very important to me--I'm glad that's apparent. It's easier to do in short drabbles like this; making it work for a story...can be interesting and is very time-consuming. :] And I guess being a total Narutard has its uses, eh? XD

Nope. I expect you to try your best and work to develop your own style.

...As for the under-read bit...

[kirbywarrior1.livejournal.com]

...darn it. XD

[wordsworn.livejournal.com]

The good thing is, you can always make time to start reading. :]

[irishmastermind.livejournal.com]

And then she turns around and shatters a wall with nothing more than one of those delicate little hands,

BLESS. Everyone and their mom writes about the parallels. It is awesome to see these contrasted instead! Also, the world doesn't have enough fic with Rin in it. Also, I adore Sakura when she's standing up on her own two feet. I mean, you know me and my pairingwhoringness, but damn she's cool when she's not there for one or both of the boys to be fixated on (or vice versa).

I LOVE IT, DARLING. ♥

[wordsworn.livejournal.com]

...I blame it on being an English major. COMPARE AND CONTRAST. COMPARE AND CONTRAST COMPARE AND CONTRAST. AD INFINITUM.

Yay, I love getting Anne reviews! -^____^- Yes, I agree, the world needs more Rinfic. She's such a sweetheart. ...I think I have to be a Kakashi/Rin shipper. And kickass!Sakura is one of the best things that ever happened to Naruto.

[irishmastermind.livejournal.com]

I know, yeah? Compare, contrast, symbolism symbolism compare contrast.

You're too kind. ♥ Rin is so sweet! And Sakura is so hardcore when she tries. I love how much she's grown, and love how well you portray her.

[twilight10.livejournal.com]

for a moment, he never lost her.

DUDE. THAT LINE IS SHEER, UNRELENTING LOVE.

I heart regretful!Kakashi/Sakura. Not KakaSaku, but, well, you know what I mean.

...this makes me want to write one. Which is bad, since I haven't even completed my research paper yet and it's one a.m and is due in eleven hours. Though, to be technical about it, seven.

But I'll stop rambling. I thought this was amazing, with the comparison of Sakura and Rin. Like, there are no words to describe the incredibleness. I just...I dunno, I just loved it.

Also, is being an English major really as bad as people make it sound? O_O

[wordsworn.livejournal.com]

Thanks, hon! I'm glad you liked it. ^_^

Haha, -do- I like KakaSaku, but that wasn't what wanted to be written, though I've wanted to do a fic for that pairing for ages.

D: Good luck on that paper! Hopefully you're finishing it up by now...

Honestly? I really liked being an English major most of the time, but you DO get assigned LOTS of reading, and the grading can be pretty subjective since the work is essays and such, so make sure your prof likes you. XD If you're the type who'd rather write a paper for your final than take an actual test (which I generally did prefer), then it's the perfect major for you. :]

[twilight10.livejournal.com]

Correction: loved.

I went through a KakaSaku stage because of my nee-chan, but that was only for a week. I like it better when it's just the characters and not the canon.

Nah, I got caught by my dad, so I told my History teacher that my hard drive died on Friday and could I hand it in tomorrow? He was cool with it XD. Being second in the class helps. I would be first if it was for JAMES BEATING ME BY THREE POINTS. *sulks*

I like writing essays, and tests should just burn in hell. ESPECIALLY FINALS, UGH, OH GOD, MINE START THURSDAY. Yeah, I'll probably just become an English major. Did you ever take Philosophy?

[alory-shannon.livejournal.com]

^\\\^

I like Kakashi/ADULT!Sakura. Like, set post-Shippuuden. Because otherwise it's just creepy, especially if it's Part I Sakura we're dealing with. Kaka-sensei is not a pedophile. D:

I took a philosophy class my senior year of high school (with the best teacher in the history of EVER), and a few of the classes I took for college had some philosophy mixed in, but I never took a straight-up THIS IS ONLY PHILOSOPHY class in college. Which is really a shame, because I would've loved to. It just never seemed to fit into my schedule. =\ Why do you ask?

[twilight10.livejournal.com]

I've never seen that...O_O The Kakashi/little!Sakura, I mean. Especially because during that time she was hopelessly in love with Sasu-chan.

I was thinking of maybe doing a minor with Philosophy, since it sounds really interesting. Hopefully, anyway. It would SUCK if the class itself sucked.

[premium-shaday.livejournal.com]

SHANNARROOOOOOOOO!!!

[ultrasushi.livejournal.com]

oh my god, this seriously made me cry. i love you. *___*

[alory-shannon.livejournal.com]

Wow, I'm really glad that you found it so moving. :]

Also, your icon makes me laugh. SAKURA-CHYAN IS LOOKIN' GOOD.

[(Anonymous)]

Oooh, I like your style. There's a lyrical quality to it, and you provide a very good explanation of his thoughts while not disturbing their very nature by that description. Does that make sense? :|

[floopy3.livejournal.com]

Oh, oops that was me (I hate posting anonymously D:).

[wordsworn.livejournal.com]

Haha, owning up to what you said, eh? XD It's all good.

Thanks for the comment, and yes, it makes sense. :] It's very nice to hear that my style is liked.

[table-chan.livejournal.com]

You have such a beautiful style~ And this is such a good piece! <3

[wordsworn.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Also, your icon is love. ♥

[zelha.livejournal.com]

You win at life with this piece. Honesly.

My favorite quote: And while Kakashi had a hand in forming Naruto and Sasuke, Sakura is a masterpiece to which he has no claim.

PURE SHEER BRILLIANCE. ♥

[helike]

Good job on this one :) I like how you stressed similarities and differences between them both :)

[wordsworn.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Like I said to irishmastermind above, I think it comes from being an English major--the seemingly unending stream of "compare and contrast" assignments has tainted me forever. XD

[0-dolphin-0.livejournal.com]

i felt every word.

im so inlove with this kind of style, the narrative, flowing words that seemed to roll in my brain :]

and i really like how you compared the two women. i kept guessing whether Kakashi sees Sakura in a different light other than being his former student, but it was rather different in the end.

very nice. :]

[redbrunja.livejournal.com]

This hits so many of my Naruto fic kinks it's not even funny.

First, the prose is gorgeous. I adored how entertwined Sakura was with his memories of Rin, and then you show Sakura being strong, and awesome, and kicking ass, and awknowlage that Kakashi didn't really do anything to form her, and it's just... poetic and perfect.

[flutie2891.livejournal.com]

This story is really, really amazing. Just- gah, I can't even get the words together to tell you how awesome it is. You captured Kakashi and Sakura's relationship perfectly, and actual gave a plausible reason for why he treated her like he did in part one. *adds to memories*

Would you mind if I nominated it over at naruto_choice?

[alory-shannon.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. Yeah, sure, go for it! And thank you for thinking of me; I'm honoured. :]

[alory-shannon.livejournal.com]

...I'm sorry, I fail, I forgot to ask--which category were you thinking of nominating it under? XD;

[flutie2891.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your permission! You're being nominated for Best Drama, Best Other (because 'best introspection' wasn't one of the main categories), Best Character Portrayal, and Best One-shot. :-)

[wordsworn.livejournal.com]

...Wow again. ^////^ Thanks!

[shippertrish.livejournal.com]

I like the fact that he FINALLY acknowledges her, all the while comparing and contrasting her to Rin. It's like you've addressed all those little, nagging things we KakaSaku shippers have noticed about their relationship and wondered if other people have noticed them, too. And I really enjoyed the calm, introspective mood of this story despite them being in the heat of battle. Somehow the contrast makes his realization more poignant. Awesome job. ^_^

[shortitude.livejournal.com]

You know I told you I absolutely love this. It's a great beginning to something even greater, if you were to elaborate and expand it. I want Bekah stories, they're delicious.

[cutecrazyice.livejournal.com]

I HEART KakaSaku.

AND I HEART you for writing this. :)

O.o

[uchihaku.livejournal.com]

oh my god.
how do you always find a way to make my head explode?

it's a shame you didn't post this on ff.net--i would have made a million profiles just to favorite this a million times. <3