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"Someone's Trying To Kill Me And I Think It's Probably You" - Sasuke + Deidara (AU)
~
A/N: Set in the “Just So You Know” AUniverse, after the events of that main story. :]
…Yeah, I can’t quite seem to leave this AUniverse alone--there is just too much potential for both hilarity and awesome. This is just a one-shot tag-on fic for now, but if I get more ideas... |3
And, just like anything and everything set in this AUniverse, this is for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
its_game_time. ♥
[Sasuke, Deidara. ‘Someone’s Trying To Kill Me And I Think It’s Probably You.’]
-
It had been a deliberate attempt on his life, of that much he was sure.
As a rule, Sasuke didn’t make a habit of eating anything Deidara cooked, bought, or even brought home; in fact, he usually did precisely the opposite, ignoring or throwing things out, sometimes even choosing to go hungry rather than eat whatever it was the blonde had spent the last of their money to purchase or prepare. This time, though, he’d been out on a mission in Suna, and had been wandering in the desert for the past week with very little to eat. When he’d stepped in the door and the smell of curry and rice had greeted him, his mouth had started watering so much he’d had to swallow five times just while removing his shoes. When he’d found the kitchen empty save for the pot simmering innocently on the stove and the rice cooker humming away, he hadn’t been able to resist dishing up a generous serving of both curry and rice and shoveling a heaping spoonful into his mouth.
Which he nearly spat right back out straight away, on learning the hard way that it was hot—and not just temperature-wise either.
It was spicy. Hellishly spicy, though truly even that seemed to be putting it mildly. Sasuke liked spicy food well enough--he’d never had any problems with it before, in any case--but this stuff was BEYOND spicy. Just the half-second it had been in his mouth was enough to make his tongue burn like the surface of the sun even now, his eyes tearing up so much that his vision was almost entirely obscured.
Blinking back those tears, he practically dove for the sink, only remembering after he’d already drunk nearly an entire glass of water to little effect that milk was the real answer to dulling the spiciness. Unfortunately, since he’d been gone for a week and Deidara hardly touched the stuff, their single, partly-full carton of 1% milk was five days past due; it had started to go cheesy, the smell more than slightly suspect, and even the feeling of his tongue sizzling against the roof of his mouth couldn’t convince Sasuke to attempt drinking it. Better the demon you knew…
By now, the burning sensation had gotten so bad that he was quickly becoming frantic; rather desperately, he popped a sizeable slice of cheese in his mouth, eying the butter too, just in case.
The cheese did the trick decently well though, and, mouth still tingling not quite pleasantly, Sasuke slowly returned to his meal…and without a moment’s hesitation, dumped the whole thing in the waste bin. After thoroughly rinsing the bowl, he filled it once more--with plain white rice only.
Perhaps half a minute after Sasuke had settled in for his second attempt at supper, Deidara emerged from the bathroom amidst a gust of steam, clad in only a towel.
Deidara always seemed to be taking showers, regardless of whether he needed one or not. First thing back from a mission, he would appropriate the shower for well over an hour, and if he got anywhere close to breaking a sweat or so much as touched his clay or even looked at his paints, it was into the shower again, even if his towel was still damp from the last one. They were almost always obscenely long showers, too, and left the whole apartment feeling uncomfortably muggy and smelling of soap and sandalwood. Sasuke had nearly ripped the showerhead out of the wall on seeing their water bill the very first month they’d shared an apartment, but by then he knew better; if he reacted like that, he’d only be giving the blonde what he wanted. Instead, he resorted to paying the majority of the monthly utility bills with money taken directly from Deidara’s wallet, which was surprisingly (and suspiciously) full more often than not. Deidara never seemed to notice, and if he did he didn’t care, and neither did Sasuke.
“Oh great, you’re back, hmm,” the former Iwa-nin drawled on catching sight of the last Uchiha, though the spark of interest in his eyes and the slight upwards pull on one corner of his mouth belied the deadpan sarcasm in his words. “You better not have tracked sand all over the place,” was the only other comment he had to offer before disappearing into his room to dress.
“Only you would be boring enough to eat nothing but plain rice when there’s a pot full of perfectly good curry right there to go with it,” he snorted on his return, still rubbing at his short blonde hair with the towel draped around his neck. “You really oughta try some, yeah.” He looked at Sasuke over his shoulder, trying to catch the Uchiha’s eye; when the other man refused to meet his gaze and didn’t bother responding, Deidara shrugged, his expression a clear oh well, more for me then.
Sasuke watched with perhaps more than his usual level of interest as the blonde artist dished up a heaping serving of both rice and curry, though it was a bit heavy on the curry…then stared incredulously as Deidara simply shoveled it down, calm and utterly unaffected and if anything, perhaps a little bored-looking. In fact, after three placid bites, Deidara actually got up again to dig around in one of the cabinets, and then the fridge, returning with a bottle of hot sauce and two little canisters of some sort of dried spices, which he then upended over his meal, adding liberal amounts of all three. After stirring it all together, he started eating again, every bit as calm as before, though he did give a smile and a pleased little hum in the middle of that first bite.
Sasuke’s shocked stare didn’t waver until Deidara made a point of looking over and catching him at it again, one eyebrow quirking upward archly. The Uchiha turned his face away sharply at that, focusing on eating; then, done with his rice, he wordlessly set the bowl in the sink and vanished into his room.
Deidara watched him out of the edges of his eyes, not raising his head from his meal or pausing in spooning it down, his expression almost atypically bland; only after Sasuke’s door clicked closed behind him did the blonde’s regular smirk spread across his face--and keep spreading, into a full-blown grin.
All the hours it had taken to post those security cameras at certain points around the apartment had been worth it after all.
A/N: Set in the “Just So You Know” AUniverse, after the events of that main story. :]
…Yeah, I can’t quite seem to leave this AUniverse alone--there is just too much potential for both hilarity and awesome. This is just a one-shot tag-on fic for now, but if I get more ideas... |3
And, just like anything and everything set in this AUniverse, this is for
its_game_time. ♥[Sasuke, Deidara. ‘Someone’s Trying To Kill Me And I Think It’s Probably You.’]
-
It had been a deliberate attempt on his life, of that much he was sure.
As a rule, Sasuke didn’t make a habit of eating anything Deidara cooked, bought, or even brought home; in fact, he usually did precisely the opposite, ignoring or throwing things out, sometimes even choosing to go hungry rather than eat whatever it was the blonde had spent the last of their money to purchase or prepare. This time, though, he’d been out on a mission in Suna, and had been wandering in the desert for the past week with very little to eat. When he’d stepped in the door and the smell of curry and rice had greeted him, his mouth had started watering so much he’d had to swallow five times just while removing his shoes. When he’d found the kitchen empty save for the pot simmering innocently on the stove and the rice cooker humming away, he hadn’t been able to resist dishing up a generous serving of both curry and rice and shoveling a heaping spoonful into his mouth.
Which he nearly spat right back out straight away, on learning the hard way that it was hot—and not just temperature-wise either.
It was spicy. Hellishly spicy, though truly even that seemed to be putting it mildly. Sasuke liked spicy food well enough--he’d never had any problems with it before, in any case--but this stuff was BEYOND spicy. Just the half-second it had been in his mouth was enough to make his tongue burn like the surface of the sun even now, his eyes tearing up so much that his vision was almost entirely obscured.
Blinking back those tears, he practically dove for the sink, only remembering after he’d already drunk nearly an entire glass of water to little effect that milk was the real answer to dulling the spiciness. Unfortunately, since he’d been gone for a week and Deidara hardly touched the stuff, their single, partly-full carton of 1% milk was five days past due; it had started to go cheesy, the smell more than slightly suspect, and even the feeling of his tongue sizzling against the roof of his mouth couldn’t convince Sasuke to attempt drinking it. Better the demon you knew…
By now, the burning sensation had gotten so bad that he was quickly becoming frantic; rather desperately, he popped a sizeable slice of cheese in his mouth, eying the butter too, just in case.
The cheese did the trick decently well though, and, mouth still tingling not quite pleasantly, Sasuke slowly returned to his meal…and without a moment’s hesitation, dumped the whole thing in the waste bin. After thoroughly rinsing the bowl, he filled it once more--with plain white rice only.
Perhaps half a minute after Sasuke had settled in for his second attempt at supper, Deidara emerged from the bathroom amidst a gust of steam, clad in only a towel.
Deidara always seemed to be taking showers, regardless of whether he needed one or not. First thing back from a mission, he would appropriate the shower for well over an hour, and if he got anywhere close to breaking a sweat or so much as touched his clay or even looked at his paints, it was into the shower again, even if his towel was still damp from the last one. They were almost always obscenely long showers, too, and left the whole apartment feeling uncomfortably muggy and smelling of soap and sandalwood. Sasuke had nearly ripped the showerhead out of the wall on seeing their water bill the very first month they’d shared an apartment, but by then he knew better; if he reacted like that, he’d only be giving the blonde what he wanted. Instead, he resorted to paying the majority of the monthly utility bills with money taken directly from Deidara’s wallet, which was surprisingly (and suspiciously) full more often than not. Deidara never seemed to notice, and if he did he didn’t care, and neither did Sasuke.
“Oh great, you’re back, hmm,” the former Iwa-nin drawled on catching sight of the last Uchiha, though the spark of interest in his eyes and the slight upwards pull on one corner of his mouth belied the deadpan sarcasm in his words. “You better not have tracked sand all over the place,” was the only other comment he had to offer before disappearing into his room to dress.
“Only you would be boring enough to eat nothing but plain rice when there’s a pot full of perfectly good curry right there to go with it,” he snorted on his return, still rubbing at his short blonde hair with the towel draped around his neck. “You really oughta try some, yeah.” He looked at Sasuke over his shoulder, trying to catch the Uchiha’s eye; when the other man refused to meet his gaze and didn’t bother responding, Deidara shrugged, his expression a clear oh well, more for me then.
Sasuke watched with perhaps more than his usual level of interest as the blonde artist dished up a heaping serving of both rice and curry, though it was a bit heavy on the curry…then stared incredulously as Deidara simply shoveled it down, calm and utterly unaffected and if anything, perhaps a little bored-looking. In fact, after three placid bites, Deidara actually got up again to dig around in one of the cabinets, and then the fridge, returning with a bottle of hot sauce and two little canisters of some sort of dried spices, which he then upended over his meal, adding liberal amounts of all three. After stirring it all together, he started eating again, every bit as calm as before, though he did give a smile and a pleased little hum in the middle of that first bite.
Sasuke’s shocked stare didn’t waver until Deidara made a point of looking over and catching him at it again, one eyebrow quirking upward archly. The Uchiha turned his face away sharply at that, focusing on eating; then, done with his rice, he wordlessly set the bowl in the sink and vanished into his room.
Deidara watched him out of the edges of his eyes, not raising his head from his meal or pausing in spooning it down, his expression almost atypically bland; only after Sasuke’s door clicked closed behind him did the blonde’s regular smirk spread across his face--and keep spreading, into a full-blown grin.
All the hours it had taken to post those security cameras at certain points around the apartment had been worth it after all.
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